Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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