she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
