We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
