Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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