i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
