So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
