I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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