Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
