Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
