I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
