Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
