That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
