I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
