my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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