You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
