I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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