i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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