how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
