Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Terrible idea I love it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
