You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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