After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
