sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
