I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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