turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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