I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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