Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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