every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
