He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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