Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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