I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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