It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
