Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
