My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hippo gnu deer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
