I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
