i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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