she was so not down for the gang bang
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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