I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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