remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
