Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
