So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
