You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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