That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
