If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Found your dick twin last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
