you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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