new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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