then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
