He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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