Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
