I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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