Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When are your genitals available?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
