Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
