how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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