Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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