Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
