i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Are we still banned from the library?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
