piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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