She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
