the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize