Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
