my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
