I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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