I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
