Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize