Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
