I think I died a long time ago.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
