on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
