i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
