i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
